Ever feel alone?

I have many friends. So many that I can't count them on one hand. or two. or three. maybe not even five.

But it's so hard to have that one friend that is there just for you, and only you. I mean I have some of the closest friends who have close friends, but I think I lack that security where I can tell that one person everything I feel and have them understand it just because they know me so well.

Maybe I just need a relationship. But that is something that is so unneccessary! Why do I need a guy just to talk to things about? I can't talk to him about boy problems, because they would be solved.

Maybe I"m just a weird teen. I want and want and want but never appreciate what I have.

I contradict myself way too much..

This is what I'm feeling:
I'm surrounded by so many fake people that I've lost myself. I try to appease groups that are pitted against eachother and become something I'm not. I'm so far from fake, but I can't help but be when I'm around them.

Maybe it's the best idea to seclude myself from them.
But then I really be alone, mentally and physically.

I don't know what I need to do anymore. I just want to be around new people so I can be myself.

I want someone who understands me completely, and asks me how things are doing, and asks me how my day was.

Honestly, I do so much for people... and I never ask for anything in return. I try to believe that if I'm a good person to everyone that I will make it through life easily, but I constantly find myself used or getting stepped on. It's sad.

I just want someone close to me, and I'll be good.



C.J.